Elliot Jaques. This is a name that is not well known. But, the phrase he coined in 1965 is well known. That phrase is Midlife Crisis. When I was young, it was assumed to be the reason for a large portion of extra maritime cases and divorce. But, what are the forces contributing to Midlife Crisis? Why do men and women seem to want to change in their lives during these ages of 40 to 60 years old?
Traditionally, during the periods from the 1960s forward, the causes were deemed to be:
1. Work Life Balances
2. Fear of Getting Older and all that comes with it.
3. Money matters Too much money. Not enough money
4. Fear of never getting a chance to be adventurous
5. Children leaving, or the "Empty Nest" Syndrome
6. Man wanting a younger woman
Or really, we all could put a couple of more up there. But, there is a lot of attention being paid currently to whether menopause or andropause of a partner might be a highly unsettling trigger for a full blown Midlife Crisis.
We know that the symptoms of menopause are: Moodiness, Anger; Insecurity; Hot Flashes, Sudden Sadness, Loss of Libido (sex drive), Feelings of Dread, Apprehension and Doom; Fatigue and on and on and on. We know that women can not control these feelings even if they know they are hormonal and not real world happenings. We know that a woman sufferers these symptoms 12 to? times per year. We also know that a man will probably never know what any of the feels like. We do not have any idea, what all of this actually feels like. It's not one party or the others fault. She is experiencing menopause. He is limited to being an observer trying to guess what it feels like.
It is impossible to miss the point that a menopausal woman may be very hard to understand, for a man who has no possible similar feelings or experiences to use as a reference point. By that I mean, it is impossible, once you think about it. Before that the woman believes the dark things she is feeling and saying are what she means. Her mate can only believe that what he is hearing, is what she meant.
Therefore, they grow more distant, each misunderstanding the other. Growing more miserable with time. The discomfort finally being the trigger for one or the other deciding that a change must happen. That something new would have to be better than this. This does not fit the possible trigger of Midlife Crisis. But, once you know the and think about the different viewpoints, its easy to understand.
This did nearly happen with my wife and I. But, she did research and I used "hobby psychology". In trying to work our way through it, we found that the understanding of what was happening, was actually the beginning of relieving and minimizing the symptoms and the feelings of alienation on both of our parts.
Through communication the Midlife Crisis was rendered avoidable, where before it had looked unavoidable. I began to see and help with cyclical nature of the menopausal process. She began researching the science both professional and natural that made the situation manageable. Doctors have seen a lot of this. Go see yours.
Communication. Both talking constructively about what might be happening, and what both can do, to enjoy each other and life again.